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I can't even begin to describe to you what it's like to crave the ability to feel.  When your numb from what is supposed to be emotional devastation you wish more than anything to be allowed to feel the sadness instead of just sitting in a corner of your mind, observing the tragedy and admiring the beauty.

And than you turn on a piercing song that normally you wouldn't be able to hear without crumbling, yet all it does is make the moment more beautiful.  And you sit there and grip your head going insane with the lack of pain, lack of fear, lack of emotion.

BECAUSE IT'S BETTER TO FEEL IT ALL.
It's reassuring.
Like a pulse.
It assures you that you're human.

THE APATHY IS TERRIFYING!!!

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Desperation

Watered down whiskey. Overflowing ashtray.  It's dawn and I fumble around for my leather jacket. I need to leave, because I just woke up, and I have no excuse to stay at this unfamiliar place. With a stranger who is sleeping naked beside me.  How could I expect anyone to forgive and forget all the bullshit drama I seem to need? Who is more pathetic, me or the masochistic motherfucker who wants to love me still? My life makes me want to vomit. Regrets and disgust. Headache. Morning cigarette. Public transportation.  I excuse myself from thinking.

Waiting for the world to change
Hoping to save
Her soul song a fate strange
Madness=mailine my pain
Slitip my razor
Shimmering slice of new dawn
In the absence of my soul 
My suffering spread
Hollow spirit
stained 

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