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She sobbed until her nose ran and her throat was sore, and she hit her fist against the fragile black desk, cursing the day her thoughts had overridden her logic.   She sought help before she pulled the trigger and read that, "Suicide is not chosen, it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping." and these words brought her back to reality, and those words made her cry harder.

Death would not relieve her pain and pills could only do so much.  There was no escape from life, because even running away couldn't suffocate the guilt and anxiety, nor the sickness inside her head.  There was no hope except for the hopes and dreams of the future-- these were the things that kept her breathing.

She splashed her face with water and stared at herself in the mirror.  Her red nose, bloodshot eyes, cherry lips and thought about the future.  Than she put down the gun, returned the pills to the container, threw away the razor, stepped back from the cliff and walked away...and kept on living.

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Curse of the Damned

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This is the story of the lost and the damned
Loved nobody and misplaced their faith
Sold their souls so their integrity got slammed
A few were kinda dark and cool
But mostly they were crazy and kinda scary
If you thought they considered you a friend you were a fool
{and one was a serious closet fairy}
For them the world was a cruel shade of blue
Reckoning their sins came at a very high cost
More than this outlaw crew
Could stand to bare, being so cursed and lost
I am not sure if they ever came to realize
They were the reason for their own demise
But really they long ago lost hope
They were just too fucking broke and strung out on dope
Bad Billy peed on the wall
LaLa & Greg ran from the law
And really that is what started it all:

JT did wicked tattoos
Or sold poetry in smoke, you choose
Jason was just no damn good
Started a horrible war simply because he sucked
With his friend Stacy, who was totally misunderstood
He was a dog and thought he was fucked
Mark turned out to be the big theif
Jeff would always be kinda weird and shady
Stef remained in disbelief
To truth.... (and Carla was no lady
She was a sneak and a liar to boot)
Rachel told endless stupid lies
Joe had a job and thought he was cute
Sammy's brain was completely fried
Big Jamie went to jail and found God
Mike was a sociopath, a ZERO
Jimmy played leader to this squad
Jamie ended being no one's hero
Duane was a naked drinker so he had to fight like a pit bull
And Tom was just a serious bitch
Michelle at least was always cool
Steve broke both legs and once flipped his car in a ditch....

This was the crew that made a black pact
With Satan himself, to attend the Monsters Ball
A frightening and horrible fact
To all the world that wished only to see them fall
They sent this last wake up call
Life was hard enough they wished to say
So that is why they met that night and had a suicide ball
The music stopped that dark day
So, fuck you that's all

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