Quote

"For some time she observed a great yellow butterfly, which was opening and closing its wings very slowly on a little flat stone. “What is it to be in love?” she demanded, after a long silence; each word as it came into being seemed to shove itself out into an unknown sea. Hypnotized by the wings of the butterfly, and awed by the discovery of a terrible possibility in life, she sat for some time longer. When the butterfly flew away, she rose, and within, her two books beneath her arm returned again, much as a soldier prepares for battle."

— Virginia Woolf (The Voyage Out)

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Bad Trip

Image via Wikipedia

Just a freak of the weak

Getting sleazy comes easy

When the beat is sick

And your about to peak

On heroin and mushrooms

Move out of my way I'm queasy

Get me to the bathroom quick

Wow! I am rushing too soon

The world is starting to fade

As the colors start to spin

Insane I am tripping daisies

Don't let anyone come in

Reality is too real a shade

My mind is actually shimmering

Stop looking at me crazy

I can see Never Never Land

Where's Peter Pan?

I am not sure if I can talk

My name is what

I'm sinking in quicksand

Don't think I can walk

Cops? So what?

A night in jail is all I will spend

No big deal

So get off my high

What's your deal

I think your paranoid

I've got the power

I'm ten feet tall

I will be high forever

Nothing else really matters

Think I will climb the water tower

Did I just fall

I

I never

I never thought 

I'd splatter

I'm dead! I see my body splattered on the sidewalk.  Hey! That guy just walked by and kicked my eyeball!! 

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Pinball Wizard

My soul is true and deep
Though you failed to see
What I carry inside and keep
Close to the nexus of what is me
Could explain why you don't care
You left a bruise
On the part of my soul I chose to bare
Only to you-- and there is no excuse
It was your choice to betray
What I held sacred and only for you
So it's not really okay
My soul is black and blue
My spirit a ghost
Through me you can see the stars
Though it's my demise you lust for most
Who knows-- since I am drowning my sorrows on Mars
(It's just a bar down the road--not too far)
Seeking any poison to cure
Or numb the screaming pain
Mainlining vodka (got any novocaine?) Gotta be sure
I can tap dance with madness straight through the vein
How else to save me from me?
Before you I was doing pretty good
Living in my own little world just being me
Once more I am totally misunderstood
If you hadn't been acting the fool
Selling out while losing your integrity
I use to think you were actually cool
You will never be truly free
If you continue to roll sleazy
Just another cheap dime store thug
Why you being stupid? Guess it comes easy
When your living low and spun out on drugs
It's actually tragic
Your so shallow and phony
Let your insecurities murder the magic
I don't think you will ever be
Again the guy I once met and knew
Long ago that was my friend
Looked me in the eye when he told me
Gave his word and shook my hand too
I guess that was a lie when you said we would be friends til the end?

I could never sell you out
Or in my heart wish you harm
Why did you even doubt
Let paranoia cause all this alarm
This has morphed from an external force
So strong I can't stop it-- so it feeds to divide
And keep us apart -- instead we collide, of course
Standing always on opposing sides
Caught in the circle jerk of life's crazy wild ride
That's why I am letting go -- I want to be done
Before I lose my soul like you.... I think
Your too damaged and it's not fun
Witnessing the depth you will sink
You've no moral compass inside, your character is not strong
This path will only end badly again
I thought I could believe in you, I was wrong
You were born in misery rancid with sin
I am only another in a long list of those you use
To exploit and discard, you don't care
After all you have nothing to lose
You took what you could knowing life's not fair
Time for me to get real stop singing the blues
Fucking a show to view in your hotel room
From the start it's been all lies and deception
It was wrong to think desperation would not lead to doom
Once you went from pipe to injection
Shooting poison straight to your infected mind
I should have realized you were already gone
From anywhere I could hope to find
You and rewind so that it was a new dawn
For you chose to let the ties that bind
You to the dark edges of your game in
Now nobody wins. Game over. The end.

Now your a tough guy with no one left to blame....

Just a pinball wizard, what a shame!

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This

This                                       

This is
Her soul into which your looking
Scarred by the storms of her life
Which protected 
What's inside
Cosmic stars
Glitter Horizons
Psychic Vampires
That wanted her mind
Tried to make her a victim
Clever defelection
Bloodlust lies
Clinging to something beautiful
Butterfly Blue Skies
Zodiac warrior floating
To an infinite orgasmic nexxus
Insanity the cruel razor slicing
Forever ripping her soul
Releasing the ghost
The ghost of her
Her ghost is seen
The ghost inside
The ghost that haunts her mind

Ghosts haunt her mind

                                         I am

Your ninja bad ass

your ancient indian chief

your suicide kiss

your philosophy on stupidity

your orgasm in sleazy

smoking poetry

and wicked fucking

while peaking

your moral compass

death whispering

diamonds lust

shimmery glowing 

thats all inside 

her mind

Cocaine

Image via Wikipedia

i want to inhale you like a line of high quality cocaine. to breathe you in deep with a shock to my heart and a lightening bolt to my nervous system. to relish you as you drip down the back of my throat and linger on my tongue. i want you to make me feel invincible, and i want to never come down.

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The Story of Bad Billy....(ch.1)

Image via Wikipedia

Take a story for what it's worth to you, doesn't matter if it's true or not.

Sometimes I feel like the one of my species on the planet.  I come from planet kick ass, and frankly this rock sucks.  I get up this morning and I spit blood in the sink as I punch my skull, I feel angry.

When I was young, the use to call me the Sundance Kid.  I use to run naked in the streets and the neighbors all thought there was something wrong with  me.  Our Florida winters weren't really all that cold,  but I was getting ready for the future, I knew it was going to be a cold one.

I have loved and I have hated and I have hated what I have loved.  I have known better and loved anyway I have known less and still I have loved.  I will take love anyway any day, but love is not easy never kind, love just is.  But my ex-wife is an exception to this rule.  She tries to attack me intellectually, says I am primitive.  Like a caveman, a big dumb animal.  I'd like to argue with her-- but I know I have always felt the urge to grab her hair and double fuck her with a dildo shaped rock.  When we were highschool sweethearts and I took her virginity after our prom, I wanted to reach through her and rip out her uterus like a trophy.  These thoughts go through my head as I just grunt and hang up the phone.  Honestly she is the reason I am all for legalized murder.

Mornings like this it usually smells like desperation and day old vomit.  I am headed to the 7/11 for a newspaper and coffee.  A mexican who looks like he just got off from every night job on the planet walks past me as I enter the store.  The cashier does not realize she is perhaps my best friend.  I talk to her every morning.  She is fucked up, was raped by her stepdad since she was thirteen til she finally left home. I've walked with her after her shift on some mornings.  She doesn't talk to most guys so I feel we are soul mates.  I don't talk to most humans.  She is all white and too thin with heroin eyes-- I think she is the most beautiful creature-- she probably comes from a planet of roses and rainbows.  Her name is Molly.

Today Molly wants to come over.  She has seen her stepdad outside of the 7/11 and she is crazy upset.  So, we walk back to my place and I invite her in.  She asks to use the bathroom, than comes out in skimpy panties and a t-shirt, her 7/11 uniform lays discarded on the bathroom floor.  She wants to go lie down in the bedroom and for me to hold her.  I take her into the bedroom where we have sex and than fall asleep, her too small little white body all curled up next to mine.  When I wake up she is gone and I wonder if she was ever really here or just part of my dream.

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~~~** SNIPERS**~~~

Image by unloveablesteve via Flickr

Snipers are people who undermine your efforts to break unhealthy relationship patterns.

It's wrong. It's cruel.

Your bad. Your sad.

Your whole world is toxic and so are you.

          

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